Oookla has found candidate can support for president. Yes, is Thundarr: The Barbarian. He obviously tough on crime. He against political correctness and crazy feminism. Thundarr lack HeMan homoerotic appeal, but strong on issue. He have religious faith (Lords of light!) and see evil in post-apocalyptic world (Demon dogs!) to face. No find Thundarr pandering to Hillary supporters, yelly-yelly feminists. He puny-human have traditional values, but no problem with "strong women." Campaign appearance of Princess Ariel help soften image with soccer Mok-moms -- and you face it: if human women can't have Mok, want a barbarian. Grown tired of Hollywood girlie men Alan Alda, Adrian Zmed, all feelings-feelings.
Thundarr have a diverse cabinet featuring humans and humanoids. Ookla fit well as Secretary of Defense. You think better candidate? Set Ookla loose with team of Moks in the Pashtun region of Afghanistan, and Ookla kick-push Osama out of helicopter in week. Ookla not bound to respect Pakistani territory, but not think they'll squawk about it. Smallest Mok ten times stronger than the toughest Pakistani.
More you hear Thundarr on stump, more you like him. He man of action like Theodore Roosevelt. He man of justice like Lincoln. He man of brutal physical courage like Washington and Jackson. He no drink, smoke, or chase women. He need not.
Women. Chase. Thundarr.
Is the small matter of total disregard for the civil rights of henchman, mutants, and wizards. These small matters. If Thurdarr tortures mutant to find sorcerer's citadel, you be damn sure he have it coming. Also, Thundarr alleged victims mostly robots and conjured beings that no have souls. No can torture and feel no pain -- although fun to smash, you take it from Ookla. Ookla like to have a Supreme Court scolar look into it, think Thundarr on pretty firm ground under Miranda.
Thundarr also strong on gun rights. Can see bumper stickers now: "They can have my Sun Sword when pry it from my cold, dead hands. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaay-yi!"
Let Ookla make simple for you primative brain: Thundarr stand for natural law. No one in Congress have the sack to stand up to him. Every president since Reagan whine for line-item veto. Thundarr no use a veto pen. He use "fabulous" sword.
Maybe some human ask, "Is Thundarr TOO MUCH man for presidency?"
Ookla say no, and ll tell you why: he kind to animals. Witness close, loving relationship he have with horse. He never cruel to beasts, always kind. Horse run through fire to rescue Thundarr, come galloping whenever Thundarr whistle! This proof of bond. Ookla think this will really help him with animal lovers.
Yes, Ookla know Thundarr is Barbarian.Like John McCain, he no can use computer and no like technology -- especially evil wizard and super-scientist kind. Yes, like Obama, Thundarr is fitness nut, and have very thin record (only two dozen episodes). But no could be more wrong about being the wrong man for job. Thundarr will build you humans bridge (or have Ariel do so) to the 22nd Century, when the earth reborn. You like things better, then. Women dress much more hot -- Mok and humans alike.
The earth reborn, you hear that?
That right. He environmentalist, too.
Thundarr: He kick you candidate's ass.
